I told a lie.
To salvage the situation
Because you can't crumble,
I'll fall apart.
Fortunately, or unfortunately
you fell for it, like how you'll fall, because we're built on velvet lies.
Perhaps from the terror of losing you.
But this guilt feels like the world
And I'm entrapped in my own ocean of deception.
Is this self disgust?
My conscience's ripping itself apart in the depths.
They say to be deceived is painful.
Then to deceive is excruciating.
They forgot to mention.
Because conscience died in the darkness of the bottomless pit.
And heart mind soul can't go to the rescue,
they're too precious a safeguard.

& to the person standing beside me through all my lies.
I'm sorry you saw this ugly side.
So now you know.
I'm not the mask I don.